Holiday Mom – Dianne
Offering Our LGBTQ Youth A Virtual Home For The Holidays
Dearest and Most Beautiful Child,
I think about you a lot!
You might wonder why that is and maybe you even wonder “how” I see you when I think of you.
I think of you a lot because I remember very clearly how tough my teenage years were. There was a ton of confusion in the learning and knowing who I was, dealing with impactful life situations and wondering if I was dealing with them well. Personally questioning my inner confidences and wondering if I had the right to have my own voice, my own opinions and if I shared them, would they be accepted? These were ever-constant concerns and worries. I remember so many times wondering if I was worthy of love and acceptance. I remember feeling insecure, out of place and disconnected. I remember being constantly critiqued by a parent which did more to lower my confidence and self-esteem than build it up. This was not a fleeting moment or two in time – this was an important life stage emerging from teenager to adult. An important part of personal growth as these are the years that pave the adult road of life!
And as I reflect on all of that, I think of YOU – a lot.
I think of you a lot, because I am in awe. I am in awe of your strength, your courage and the confidence you have in knowing who you really are. I am in admiration of your certainty or your willingness to question and trust your inner voice. You are at that same crucial personal growing stage and I am in awe because I was straight, and I always have been. You have an additional gift that the world, for the most part, is still learning to accept and live with.
Yes, I am in awe of you. And I love you – sincerely and with open arms.
I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes, to feel the depths of your uncertainties; learning WHO you really are, determining who you can share this with and how to share it and figuring the best way to ‘come out’ if you haven’t. And if you have come out, having to stand strong while absorbing deep personal criticisms, insults and discouraging words. I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes.
I know this is so very, very easy for me to say. But I want you to hear my words and say them out loud if you need to. Those who cannot accept are wrong.
They are wrong.
They are wrong in not being able to love you for who you are.
It is my hope that you can shield yourself from all of it and continue to shine your gifts amongst us all. IF you can find that – if you can do that – if you can move forward knowing in your heart there is a lot of love out there, then I know you can, no you WILL shine!
I pray that as time marches on, masses of these others are able to accept and see you for who you are beyond this unique attribute that is foreign to them. But I know this will take time and I know there are many who feel it is their right to condemn, show discontent and even extreme hatred. For you to stand tall must take so much!
I applaud you, love you and am in awe!
I guess what I really want you to know is there are many more of us in the world who do love you! Who see you! Who hear you! Who accept you! And who can move beyond the prejudices, the anger and the uncertainties to arrive at the real you, all the while accepting your choice or your predetermined fate. I know there are many, many more people can be open to the other gifts you own – those gifts that are yours for simply being a human.
I have an adopted daughter who is preparing to leave her teenage years behind and she is still seeking and searching for identity. She had no confidence and chose to travel some thorny roads in her self-discovery. In doing this she walked away from those who offered her unconditional love – her insecurities were that deep! As an adult, I understand it and remain patiently waiting for her time to accept this love. I share this because I have seen how much harder her doing this has made things for her and my heart breaks, but I cannot be the one who fixes this for her. She has to do this herself.
I hope you see my message here? As an adult and as a foster and adoptive mom I see it so clearly, but as adults it is not our place to do the fixing, it is our place to support and love seeing you through.. Please hold onto those in your life that are offering you that unconditional love and acceptance. Go to them for advice or to vent out your feelings and frustrations. Do not allow yourself to build walls and move away – they love you. And if you do not have anyone offering that, know in your heart they are on their way to you – keep your eyes open for them and welcome them warmly. AND, if you are really seeking some help or advice or even just an understanding ear … find a place you feel comfortable sharing and getting answers to your questions. You have so much available to you and there ARE people who love and accept.
Again, I do not know what it is like to walk in your shoes.
My wish is this letter gives you hope and you feel my love. Hope in knowing that there is acceptance. Hope in knowing there is a growing community who welcome you. Hope in knowing and understanding there is LOVE – for you – JUST you, as you are and as you continue to become. As for me?
I love you – unconditionally.
I accept you – unconditionally.
I believe in you – unconditionally.
And I know you will continue to find others who feel the same.
Have faith my beautiful child!
Much, much, much love to you as you create your path of life – I can’t wait for you to share your gifts!
Enjoy the holiday season and whatever it brings to you.
Mom Dianne ♥